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Women’s Bathroom Issues I

So you may have noticed something about the ICBE. And whether or not you have, we’re definitely going to tell you about it right now – the ICBE’s fulltime staff consists entirely of men. “AUGH!” you might say, but it’s really not as bad as it sounds. Because we all have our own offices, and naturally, we all practice very good bathroom etiquette. Thing is though, we really don’t know anything about women. Some of us are even married, some of us even have kids, but do you think we know a darn thing? Nada. So we’ve decided to start collecting reader tips* about bathroom etiquette for women, and posting them on this page.

*the ICBE accepts no responsibility if these tips suck!

And don’t forget to check out a rebuttal contribution by one of our readers!

“The (Toilet) Swan” Writes:

Some General Tips:

  1. Flush Flush Flush until all your friends are gone!
  2. If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie. (yeah, I stole it, but its still good)
  3. If you are the cause of a clog, and you KNOW if you are, kindly take it upon yourself to first, attempt to correct it; and secondly, report it!
  4. Wash your hands, that’s where disease comes from.
  5. It is polite to pull down paper towels for the other person in the restroom with you. This also invites them to wash their hands.
  6. Please inform your friends if they have tucked in their skirts, tissue hanging from their feet, or paratroopers hanging from their noses.

(Mike’s Note: These sound like good tips for you men out there too! Possibly minus the skirts thing.)

Nantarina writes:

On Going to the Bathroom in Groups:

It is not only appropriate for women to go in groups (preferably holding hands and giggling), it is severely reprehensible for a girl to go alone. For men, perhaps, hanging around and chatting to other men in public lavatories is to frowned upon. For ladies, however, the “bathroom” is a centre for socialising excellence. On many occasions, the best part of my evening out has consisted of those minutes (or, when my lovely friend was very very sick, hours) spent near the mirrors chatting and complimenting and borrowing make-up. This space provides a valuable haven in which to be updated on everything as it happens, and voice a preferably bitchy opinion.

It is also a nice place to chat to obviously never-to-be-seen again people and characters and you can get quick sudden glimpses into the lives and usually-all-the-same dreams (- to find a rich handsome etc etc) of people who have lives a million miles from your own and who wear clothes you wouldn’t be seen dead in, but if you did, would look a whole lot fucking sexier on you. But to fully use these facilities, it is necessary to arrive accompanied, or you may create the wrong impression. Particularly if you’re in a gay bar.

What is wholly unacceptable, I think, is when a girl says she needs the loo and nobody claims to want to go too. SERIOUSLY POOR ETIQUETTE! Consider your sisters!!!

(Apart from anything else, there are often shockingly long and boring queues)

On Talking Acros Stall Walls:

It depends on the significance and brilliance of the topic. Will random strangers overhearing you be fascinated or bored? This is the golden rule.

On the lack of a Proper Receptacle for Feminine “Products”:

Urgh. Nasty topic. Not to be spoken about in public, darling. REALLY!

Well, if you insist… I always carry scented and sealable, disposable and discreet little bags in my handbag, with which to convey the said products to the nearest, to use your charming phrase (though with discreetly corrected spelling) appropriate receptacle. Sort of.

On Crouching vs. Sitting:

Why, quite obviously this depends on the location. Personally I avoid contact with any public seat, including those in student houses. Many years ago, I visited a lavatory where there were loo-seat-shaped-paper dispensers next to the tp dispensers. They didn’t really fit the seat perfectly, but I was nonetheless impressed. It can only have been in France, I am sure, that blessed centre of sophistication.

Bathroom Etiquette For All Those Special Situations