Find a woman, get married and live happily ever after... | |||||||||||
...in 10 easy steps! | |||||||||||
brought to you by the ICBE | |||||||||||
Step 9. Enjoying your Honeymoon | |||||||||||
And turning it into the shagfest you want it to be | |||||||||||
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She is your wife now | |||||||||||
That's right, your wife. It's kind of a tricky word, but fun once you get used to it. Not to mention with only one syllable, it's three times as efficient as saying fiancee, and that's got to count for something. The honeymoon is a great time to get used to the concept, and nobody is going to blame you for constantly referrring to your wife as such. But be careful, once you get home it's not cute for every eighth word to be wife, it's obnoxious. | |||||||||||
She is the only woman in the world | |||||||||||
That cute waitress? She doesn't exist. That hottie 17 year old with her family? She doesn't exist. That chick with the massive boobs at the beach? She doesn't exist. This is your honeymoon, so pay your wife the attention and respect she deserves and keep your eyes on her. Nobody's expecting you to stop looking at other women for the rest of your life, but it would be nice of you to give it a shot for a couple weeks. | |||||||||||
Get spendy | |||||||||||
Remember all that money I made you save during your Bachelor Party? Now's the time to spend it. This is your honeymoon, and you should splurge. Please don't buy lots of tacky tourist souvenirs just because you are so in love that your sense of judgement has been compromised, but do have some fancy dinners, treat your woman to some time in the spa and buy something to remember the trip by. | |||||||||||
Turn off the TV | |||||||||||
The number one cause of not having enough sex is watching too much TV. With a little luck you are on a tropical island that only gets 3 crappy channels anyways, and this isn't a problem. But you could be in Hawaii with a full spread of cable, so this is going to take some inner strength on your part. If the finale of Survivor is on, well then you should have bought a TiVo before you left so you could watch it when you get home. | |||||||||||
Have as much sex as possible | |||||||||||
Well that's what honeymoons are for, aren't they? And if you've followed the steps above, your wife should be on the same page as you with this one. | |||||||||||
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