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Those One Person Bathrooms

(For special instructions on using opposite gender one person bathrooms, go here.)

Every once in a while, one stumbles across the ultimate in bathroom experiences – the personal bathroom. You know, the one where you walk in, lock the door, and have all the amenities at your disposal. No one to stand beside you. No one to sit in the next stall. No one to wait impatiently behind you as you wash your hands. Unfortunately, paradise isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be.

Issue: Un-flushed remains. Just as you meander to the bowl – ohmigod – what the heck did THAT person have for dinner?

Etiquette: Flush, dammit. Oh, maybe you don’t want to touch the handle for fear of germs. Well use your foot. Grab a piece of paper towel. Whatever! But you HAVE to flush. There are no excuses. Maybe twice for some of you. At any rate, when you leave that room, please leave the bowl in pristine condition for the next customer.

Issue: The attempted entry. You know this one. You are relaxing, trying to have all the right muscles relax and contract in the best possible combination, when, out of nowhere, some idiot wants to get in. And not with a polite knock. No, this turd burglar rams his shoulder right into the door, like he is on COPS, desperate for entry. And then, not satisfied that the room may actually be occupied, he jiggles the knob back and forth. No amount of “occupied” or “just a minute” stops this guy. And of course, by this time your sphincter is so taut that you’ll be lucky to have a movement in the same week.

Etiquette: Please knock. And wait. Give the “potential user” more than a millionth of a second to announce his presence before attempting entry. And then back off. Don’t scuttle outside the door, pacing, kicking up dust, and causing a nuisance. Your time will come. Just hope that your predecessor follows etiquette rule #1 above.

Issue: The interrupted exit. Hopefully you’ve avoided the attempted entry, you’ve had a good experience, the bowl is flushed, your hands are washed, and you are ready to go back about your business in a solemn and private manner. And you open the door and run head-long into someone loitering immediately outside the door.

Etiquette: Remember, a bathroom is like an elevator. Let the people out first. Give them some space. Don’t get inside their “bubble”. Preferably allow them to leave quietly and respectfully. No calls of “who died in there?” or “about time!”. Take a deep breath, hold it, and make your entry – its your own fault that you are second into the room.

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Bathroom Etiquette For All Those Special Situations

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