Three's Company

Etiquette for a Trio of Urinals

Performing #1 and #2 in comfort and style since 1995 — The International Center for Bathroom Etiquette
Performing #1 and #2 in comfort and style since 1995
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Well then, what about three urinals. Well, this starts to get tricky. If you should come across three empty urinals, then the natural male tendency to attempt to accumulate power and property might lead you to try the middle urinal. Unfortunately, in some countries, to do so is punishable in manners unspeakable. For to choose the middle urinal is to deny any subsequent patron of the urinals the opportunity to pee in isolation while you are still at your business. To choose the middle of three urinals is to commit an act of pure, unadulterated selfishness, and for it one should be ashamed. Instead, one should immediately proceed the the end urinal which is furthest from the door, or alternatively, best smelling.

However, all three urinals are not always empty. If upon entering the bathroom you discern that the middle urinal alone is occupied, ever, you should immediately seek out the proper authorities to punish the culprit. Hopefully though, one of the end urinals is occupied. This allows one to proceed to the opposite urinal, and pee in relative security.

Further complications arise if two of the urinals are occupied. If they are the two end urinals, then one should proceed with delay tactics which were described earlier, especially nose scratching and armpit sniffing. Alternatively, a stall may be employed, being sure to use the deceitful tactics also mentioned earlier. It is possible that two adjacent urinals of the three be occupied. In this case, it is best just to leave. Hold your urge, and retreat. To stay is to share in the shame that must accompany any two individuals who are engaged in such an unseemly situation. Furthermore, if you are ever engaged in peeing at an end urinal, and someone enters the middle urinal with the intention of peeing, it is most definitely appropriate to ask him to leave. If he is unreceptive to your request, you might consider peeing on his leg.

Should all three urinals be occupied, upon entry to the bathroom, not only should you beat a hasty retreat, but you should also avert your eyes in order not to have the horrible sight of three adjacent occupied urinals forever ingrained into your mind.

  1. The Ideal Situation
  2. Two Urinal Tango
  3. Three's Company
  4. Just Four, Not More
  5. Five, Five, Five
  6. Six-Six, Pick up Sticks

Copyright 2003 ICBE - Hosted by Pair - Conceived on a Mac