Well then, what about three urinals. Well, this starts to get tricky.
If you should come across three empty urinals, then the natural male
tendency to attempt to accumulate power and property might lead you to try
the middle urinal. Unfortunately, in some countries, to do so is
punishable in manners unspeakable. For to choose the middle urinal is to
deny any subsequent patron of the urinals the opportunity to pee in
isolation while you are still at your business. To choose the middle of
three urinals is to commit an act of pure, unadulterated selfishness, and
for it one should be ashamed. Instead, one should immediately proceed the
the end urinal which is furthest from the door, or alternatively, best
However, all three urinals are not always empty. If upon entering the
bathroom you discern that the middle urinal alone is occupied, ever, you should
immediately seek out the proper authorities to punish the culprit.
Hopefully though, one of the end urinals is occupied. This allows one to
proceed to the opposite urinal, and pee in relative security.
Further complications arise if two of the urinals are occupied. If
they are the two end urinals, then one should proceed with delay tactics
which were described earlier, especially nose scratching and armpit
sniffing. Alternatively, a stall may be employed, being sure to use the
deceitful tactics also mentioned earlier. It is possible that two adjacent
urinals of the three be occupied. In this case, it is best just to
leave. Hold your urge, and retreat. To stay is to share in the shame that
must accompany any two individuals who are engaged in such an unseemly
situation. Furthermore, if you are ever engaged in peeing at an end
urinal, and someone enters the middle urinal with the intention of peeing,
it is most definitely appropriate to ask him to leave. If he is
unreceptive to your request, you might consider peeing on his leg.
Should all three urinals be occupied, upon entry to the bathroom, not
only should you beat a hasty retreat, but you should also avert your eyes
in order not to have the horrible sight of three adjacent occupied urinals
forever ingrained into your mind.