Category — Reader Mail

In the past, we’ve discussed the phenomenon whereby people seem to believe that their own farts smell good. This time, a reader has gone one step further, asserting that his actual poops smell not only good, but like specific food items!

Braden writes the following:

Some times, when I poop, it smells like a very inviting plate of over-easy eggs and hash browns.

Unfortunately, it seems like things aren’t always quite so lovely. The email continues…

Other times it smells like cow manure. I find this quite amusing.

From tasty breakfast items to cow dung. You win some and you lose some Braden!

Alaric writes the following:

As like every morning I go into the bathroom to have my morning glory. This restroom is pretty big. It is at a government building and has 15 stalls (I counted them because of this). I was the only person in the room at the time so I selected a stall that was not in the middle and not at the end. I sat down and started my business when I hear the door open. Did not really care but this guy selects the stall right next to mine… Mind you that there are 14 EMPTY stalls. Then he proceeds to drop the biggest bomb known to man, this shit was so loud and forceful that his gas had echoes and it sounded like some was dumping out there sink in the toilet… Stunk to high hell.. This happened right next to me… Dude could have picked any damn toilet in the restroom but picks the one next to mine.

This has to be a breach of bathroom etiquette, like the one urinal rule. If there is 3 urinals and there is one guy on the end you take the one on the other end.

Good point. To a first approximation, stall usage mirrors urinal usage. You should never choose a stall adjacent to an occupied stall when another option is available. Now that said, there are a couple of notable exceptions:

1. When all the other stalls are occupied, it is perfectly fine, under normal circumstances, to take an adjacent stall. With urinals, this is only acceptable under exceptional circumstances.
2. When all the other stalls are disgustingly dirty, it’s also acceptable to take an adjacent stall.

While it’s possible 13 of the other 14 stalls were really dirty, it sounds like this individual was in gross violation of proper bathroom etiquette.

Adam writes the following:

My friend’s boss recently called him out because he caught him not lifting the seat to urinate while standing up. My friend (an attorney) retorted that the opening in the front was made precisely for this purpose and didn’t feel like he did anything wrong.

My position is that no matter how good you think your aim is, the seat belongs in the upright position if you are standing and urinating…especially in an office bathroom.

On the other hand I would not ever touch the seat at the Port Authority restroom (or similar public facility, airport, etc.) because everyone else has urinated all over it.

What is correct etiquette here? And can you address the work vs. public facility issue if you feel there is one?

First, I want to know how your friend’s boss caught him in the act with the seat down. Scratch that, I actually have no desire to know. As far as the etiquette goes, for once you will find the ICBE without a strong opinion one way or the other.

As long as you leave the seat clean, it’s okay to pee with the seat down. If you get a few drops on the seat – just wipe them up and go about your day. Now I’m not advocating peeing all over the seat and then getting out the mop, but those public seats can be pretty scary to touch, and the important thing is that everything is clean for the next person who uses the toilet.

Faith sent the following very disturbing email:

First of all, I found your site on stumble upon, and instantly showed my husband. He is amused that almost every time I go to use a public restroom I come back with a story. Really, a lot of people aren’t about the bathroom manners.

I really liked “Women’s Bathroom Issues II”, but I kept expecting to find SOMETHING about my number one bathroom horror story, and didn’t see it anywhere on your site.

Now, I’m from the states (I saw this in Canada, too) and haven’t been to Europe yet. I was recently told that in Europe the bathrooms don’t have this problem, but in the states, there are large cracks at the hinges of the stall doors.

In my most horrific public restroom experience a girl stood outside my door and stared at me.

Of course, this is less typical, but there are rules about standing in line outside a bathroom door without turning so you’re looking through those horrible cracks in the doors.

Just a suggestion for something you might want to add to the site!

This seems like one of those things that nobody should have to be told. If the stall door is closed, don’t go peeking inside through the cracks!! But if people need to be told to wash their hands, I guess they need to be told this too.

IF THE STALL DOOR IS CLOSED, DON’T GO PEEKING INSIDE THROUGH THE CRACKS!

Now I understand that sometimes you want to confirm that the stall door is closed because somebody is inside, to avoid waiting around like an idiot for an already empty stall to empty. But that’s what the “duck and glance under the door for feet” move was invented for.

And by the sounds of things, a lot of women are peeking inside just for fun when they know somebody is inside. That’s just plain wrong.

Jan Erik writes the following:

I believe few people think about the amount of germs on the sink handle. Just think about it: when you wash your hands you first have to turn the handle on the sink, leaving germs on it. Then you wash your hands and they are neat and clean, but to stop the sink from pouring you must use the germ infected handle again, thereby obtaining the germs you (and all before you) left there.

To prevent this, when I dry my hands with a paper towel after washing them, I use the paper towel when I turn off the water.

Well you’re right about one thing – those sink handles seem like a good place for germs to accumulate, as it’s the first thing people with dirty hands touch. But you’re wrong that not many people have thought about it. I take great care with sink handles, as do my wife and many of the people I know.

It’s one of the reasons I tolerate automatic faucets. They tend to do a bad job sensing the presence of your hands, but its sure nice not to have to touch anything.

Robin writes the following:

Is there an ICBE membership club? I would like to become a proud member of the ICBE. If so, how do I join? If not, why isn’t there?

That’s a good question Robin. If you’re a member of Facebook, you can become a fan of the ICBE on that site, just head on over to our fan page. Aside from that though, there isn’t really an official way to join the ICBE. There’s no good reason, it’s just something we haven’t gotten around to yet, but it’s certainly something we’re considering for the future.

In the meantime, if you’d like to display your love for the ICBE, I suggest buying one of our lovely shirts!

A concerned reader writes the following:

I work for a large corporation that you’ve heard of — it need not be mentioned. We have a tremendous amount of people here from all over the world; in fact, it’s almost like the United Nations in a way but that’s not where I am at all. Anyway, for those here of a certain religious faith, it’s necessary for them to wash their feet prior to afternoon prayer. So, in the very sink I wash my hands in and brush my teeth in after lunch, I commonly see guys in there with their legs up in quite a gymnastic pose so that their bare feet can get under the running faucet. So, we have the hole freedom of religion thing, tolerance, political correctness, and all that bullshit … but hey …. c’mon…. isn’t this a bit much?

I have to admit – I’ve never seen somebody wash their feet in the bathroom sink at work, and if I did it might be a little weird. Still, weird isn’t the same thing as bad etiquette. Honestly, unless foot washers are making a big mess (and I can easily imagine they would just based on how physically awkward the action must be) and not cleaning it up, I don’t have a problem with this.

Tolerance of religious customs is good etiquette, and if a little foot washing is all we have to put up with, what’s the big deal? But the feet are dirty you might say? Not those feet, they’re getting washed all the time! And are sweaty feet really any more dirty or gross than hands that have just finished wiping a poopy bum?

I didn’t think so.

Now all that said, a dedicated foot washer sounds like it would help everybody else. Time to get one installed!

Concerned reader Teresa writes the following:

The women in my office have asked the men to discontinue taking the community newspaper into the restroom. It is hitting the men’s room about five+ times/day. We do not feel comfortable reading the paper when it returns into the office.

Any advice on proper newspaper-bathroom etiquette?

Have you ever heard the saying What goes in Vegas, stays in Vegas? Well, it’s the same thing with the newspaper. Once that newspaper hits the bathroom, it should never leave the bathroom again, except maybe on a nonstop trip to the recycling bin.

If you want to take a book or a magazine to the bathroom at home, fine. If you want to bring in your own book to read on the toilet at work, fine. But public, communal or shared reading material stays out of the bathroom.

And one more thing – don’t put the newspaper on the floor to read it! I know the newspaper is big and awkward, but public bathroom floors are disgusting. Once that newspaper hits the floor nothing short of a hazmat suit should be used to pick it up again. So whatever you do don’t put it on the floor, then pick it up and put it on a shelf like nothing ever happened. Yuck.

A lovely reader writes the following:

It’s been a running joke between myself and friends of mine when it comes to people who are standing near you at a urinal and feel it’s perfectly fine to fart because they’re in the bathroom. My feeling on this is that if you need to fart, take it to a stall where there’s a partitioning wall between you and the fumes coming out of your ass. I think you should chime in on this and have it as a special topic on your site.

Generally speaking, I agree. While farting in the bathroom is certainly a better option than farting in the office, if it’s going to be a stinky one you should do all you can to contain it. And if it’s that stinky, why aren’t you in the stall having a poop anyways? You’re having stinky farts for a reason after all.

The thing that really gets me though is the people who fart as loudly as they possibly can just because they are in a public bathroom. We have a word for these people – that word is douchebags. Farting more loudly than is absolutely necessary does nothing but indicate you are an idiot.

Now all that said, sometimes it’s hard not to let a little fart slip out at the urinal. All your business is connected down there, and the same techniques used to relax and go pee can lead to a little inadvertent gas escape. So don’t be too quick to judge the guy farting at the urinal – it might have just slipped out.

We’ve posted a lot about hanging the toilet paper recently. To recap:

• Hanging the Toilet Paper: In Defense of Under
• Toilet Paper Hanging Battle
• Recessed TP Dispensers: Sometimes “Under” Sucks

Still, the case is hardly closed. In a recent comment, Mollie writes the following:

Um. Over is the correct way. Especially when someone else is living in your house, free of charge, and every single time they replace the roll, it’s under, when I, every single time, switch it. TAKE A HINT!

While I can’t agree with her unequivocal endorsement of Over, she makes a good point. Perhaps the person who actually goes to the trouble of purchasing the toilet paper should be the one who gets to decide how to hang it?