Bathroom Etiquette at Home
The ICBE focusses on etiquette for the public bathroom because the rules are the trickiest there, and frankly what you do in your own home is largely your own business. However, most of us don’t live alone and so there are some rules of etiquette that you should be following at home. Note that many of these rules will apply if you are a guest in someone else’s home as well.
If you live alone, and have no guests, do what you want
Yes, you read that right. If you live alone, and if you never have any guests at all (sorry to hear that), then go ahead and do whatever the heck you please. I mean really, etiquette isn’t about you, it’s about other people, so if there are no other people there is no etiquette!
Leave the damn seat down
Yes, you heard me correctly. Stop being lazy men, and put the darn seat back down. Really, is it so hard to do something thoughtful for the women in your life? How would you feel if you sat down directly into the toilet bowl one day? Not so hot eh? (End confrontational tone) There have been studies done which show that the most efficient thing to do is simply to leave the seat in whatever position it was when you finished up, but this is one of those cases where we think women need a break.
Learn to Aim
We realize that it’s not always easy to hit the toilet bowl (actually that’s not true, we just made that up to make you feel better). But just because you missed and peed all over the seat and floor, doesn’t mean you should leave your work on display for all to see. Wipe that pee up! This goes for public bathrooms too, there’s no excuse to leave a trail of piss behind anywhere.
Close the Door
Unless you and everybody else you live with agree that it’s okay to use the toilet with the door open, you should probably close it. Your husband or wife might not mind so much if you are doing a #1, but your roomates probably will. And nobody wants to watch you poop – trust me.
Don’t Pee in the Shower
Of course if the first rule applies you are free to pee anywhere you want, though we are always surprised that people enjoy standing in a pool of their own urine. Chances are though somebody else is going to use your shower sometime, and we really don’t think they are going to want to have anything to do with your pee. Go to the bathroom before you get in the shower, and save us all from being grossed out.
Use the Fan
Not all bathrooms have fans, and that’s too bad. But if the bathroom does have a fan, you should probably be using it – especially for #2. Not only is it going to help with the smell, but it’s going to cover up all those lovely noises that have a tendency to emanate from the bathroom under the most opportune of circumstances. Heck, it’s even good to help prevent mold and mildew, and I think everyone can agree that’s a good thing.
Replace the Toilet Paper
Go to the bathroom often enough, and sooner or later you are going to be the one that finishes the roll. Don’t just leave the empty roll dangling there, replace it! You don’t want to get halfway through a #2 only to spot an empty roll, and neither does anybody else. Oh, and don’t pretend that two squares left counts either. That’s just stupid.