Stand to Wipe, Sit to Wipe

Every once in awhile something strange happens – the ICBE is totally behind the curve on a bathroom discussion. Actually, that’s a lie – this kind of thing happens all the time, and it just recently happened again. The discussion of course is whether one should wipe their buttocks while sitting or standing.

This all started with a poll by College Humor back in April 2007, with the following results:

While sitting to wipe has a majority, it’s not a very large one. Recently however, Deadspin resurrected the discussion, and posted a series of fascinating emails from their readers. Here is a sample:

I asked my brother if he stands or sits to wipe. He replied, “sitting, obviously” and FREAKED THE FUCK OUT when I told him I stand. He said it was among the most disgusting things he has ever heard. He had no idea that anyone stood, let alone his own brother, so that kills your argument about the way we were raised playing part.

Yesterday, Metafilter joined the debate with commentary from its own readers. For example CitrusFreak12 makes an interesting point:

What in the good god damn hell?

Why would you bother standing up in the first place? You’re sitting down already, surely the path of least resistance would be to then sort of lean forward just a bit?

Westerners, especially Americans, are already viewed as having comparatively primitive hygiene when it comes to this sort of thing because of our reliance on just paper to clean our rears.

But you standers are absolute savages, and I’m considering investing in a bidet just to put a large amount of associative distance between us.

So what do we, the ICBE make of all of this? Who cares! Look, etiquette is primarily about your impact on other people, and as long as you get clean, how you wipe doesn’t affect anybody.

You do get clean, right? Because if you aren’t getting clean, not only is that against proper bathroom etiquette, it’s unsanitary and disgusting.

But if you can get clean while sitting, that’s great. And if you can get clean while standing, that’s great too. And if you find you’re having trouble get clean, maybe it’s time to try the other method.